Buried Alive

Welcome to the next level.

2009-12-20T21:54:00.002+01:00

Dear everyone!

I don't really know what to say. I have to thank you, my readers, all of you, for taking a look at my sad poems every now and then. I don't say you kept this blog alive - I did. :P But still, you were a great contribution and inspiration to me, and I won't forget that. Especially not the help of my dear friend Alev, and my brother Amin - the two of you gave me the most when it came to my poetry.

Why do I close this stuff? Because that's what I do, I close the site for good. This site. Maybe another one will open soon. Maybe never again. Who knows? I'm closing it because it belongs to Level 1, my other life, the life I lived before the one I'm living now. I was a lone poet, misery incarnate, who tried to break out from the shell. I was buried alive, I wanted to be loved... but I thought it's not what's meant for me.

Things changed. I have changed. For the better. Some people didn't think it's possible. I shoveled some in their face, yup. =) I'm stronger than I was before my depression, because now, I have overcome it, and I know how to overcome it. It didn't kill me - it made me stronger. I'm not lonely anymore. I have found my true love who is mine forever, and whom I give myself for all eternity. I have found faith, which is strong and eternal. I have found happiness, I have the perfect moments all the time. I have the time of my life. I stepped forward. Thanks to everyone who helped me on the way, and thanks to everyone who inspired me. I won't ever forget them! :)

Peace out, homies!

Lone Poet out.

Quick Answer III

2009-08-20T23:40:00.001+02:00

It is just so you
To close the door when everything's on fire
And I know it's true
Now you feel you have nothing to inspire

I understand your heart's a thing
You don't want to share
But simply you just can't make me not care

Of course you can stop writing
You can cut the stream
But I won't keep my ears stopped
Not to hear a scream

Whatever...

Just don't worry
In the deepest dawn
The sun will hurry
Your happiness to spawn

Quick Answer II

2009-08-20T22:57:00.002+02:00

I know it's burning
I know it aches
Yet you don't replace your real words with fakes
Right now it's open
Accidentally
Right now it just allows me to see

Pain is a mirror to look into
It's just more fun
Than the television of the world
It's just to make us feel the things we've never heard

Maybe inspiration is a free bird flown away
But you'll see it again on a rainy day

Quick Answer

2009-08-20T22:34:00.001+02:00

Now the world for you is so flat
Nothing fills up emptiness that
Comes again and gets inside you
Makes to think of words so hard

Between darkness and elation
Therein lies the inspiration
Don't try to find it in the blue
Look for it within your heart

Sweet

2009-07-25T03:06:00.003+02:00

From the broken horizon breaks out the crooked sunshine
I think it’s 5 am and you’re listening to my whine
I don’t cross the bridges
You don’t take the skylines
But deep inside I wish
Just we could have our times

Visit me in my dreams
Share me your desires
Be my remedy for eight hours, light up the fires

Come and give me aching
Sweet strawberry kisses
Tell me we’re making up for all the time my life misses

Yearning is a disease
And you infected me
I wish it’s going to end soon, I hope it is deadly

Go and give me calming
Mild apricot kisses
Look deep in my weary eyes and make me feel I exist

From behind the dark clouds slowly ignites the moonbeam
Wait again for the twilight that makes my soul swim upstream
Obvious, I know it
But I keep the silence
Just because I admit
All the dreams have no chance

Losing You Forever

2009-06-17T01:26:00.002+02:00

Staring at the setting sun
Seems this day is getting done
Looks like I'm out of the maze
Got rid of this purple haze
I just can't keep my eyes on
This flaming red horizon
Not letting us together
So I lose you forever

From the splinters of my heart
I just throw away the part
Not allowed to keep inside
Have to extinguish my light
All the darkness in my soul
Burns like a chunk of charcoal
Tried to put it out with tears
It set afire my fears

Without hope, I feel lost
My faith in you helped me most
All is over, all is down
This feeling will make me drown
My emotions slowly whirled
Deep inside our astral world
May my spirit seek it through
Won't ever find one like you.

Cry of the Fool

2009-06-12T17:02:00.001+02:00

Just wish I could tell you
Just wish I could tell who
But you wouldn't understand
So I cry and let your hand

I wish I could show it now
I only wish I knew how
But you wouldn't hear my word
Flustered heartbeats, never heard

You sure know I need you
You were keeping me alive
Always
I can't help I love you
I need you to help survive
All days

I wish I could tell you why
Wish I wouldn't have to lie
But not a word you'd believe
These bounds I can't relieve

I wish I could find a way
To let you know, make you say
Wish you could just make me see
Love is such a vanity

Confused

2009-05-25T00:53:00.002+02:00

Why can't I say it out loud?
What am I so afraid of?
Why is there a rose red cloud
When I say it is not love?

Last time, it was a disaster
Can't let it happen again
I should learn to react faster
To my angel's crazy plan

Fall, fall with me
You are all my soul's desire
Run, run from me
You will get caught by the fire
Come, come to me
Wanna hear your heart's choir
I want to see
When a wonder takes me higher

Love is a liar

Touched

2009-05-23T04:09:00.001+02:00

Again, those fervent vibrations
My heart slowly turning blind
Unseen, unknown constellations
I'm getting lost in your mind

Under the stars I want to lie
Watch them as they're bleeding milk
On your soul I want to get high
Touch your hand, it's sweet as silk

Be my sacrament in this grim
Deflorated underworld!
In the fountain of life we'll swim
And we'll ride the thunderbird!

I would offer you everything
But yea I'm nothing at all
I just have the Icarus-wings
Determined to let me fall

I can't deal with my emotions
Sorry, I'm not worth a glance
Ignore my pathetic notions
You just caught me off balance

Celestial Dreams

2009-05-15T02:01:00.003+02:00

I'm deep inside the night with a smile on my face
My soul goes on a flight, getting out of my place
Floating with the clouds, shining with the stars
Leaving the crowd behind, breaking out the bars

My journey continues as the dawn breaks
The city underneath slowly awakes
But I'm already awake, having a daydream
I dream of a soul that doesn't fit the scheme

Time is passing by, but not my joy
Because my dreamworld is all mine to enjoy
Whatever I need is whenever there for me
Whomever I want is wherever here with me

In my dreamworld, the whole world is mine
Especially the one that makes it all divine
The one who gives me power to cross the line
More than any word could ever define

__________________________________

The first poem I wrote together with my dear friend Allie, who is my Flame of Inspiration, feeding the miserable sparkle I have for poetic ideas these days. Very special thanks to her, for making me write again, and also for making my days recently, every day again and again... I most probably will never be able to redeem all the happiness she's been giving me lately. (:
Thanks again, and I hope we make a habit of this. =)

Relief

2009-05-11T01:17:00.001+02:00

Every night I see the moon
I know they will hurt me soon
Every time I want to cry
You tell me a lovely lie
Every time I want to fall
You just simply heal it all
Every day I see the sun
Reminds me that you're the one

You're the one for whatever
Whenever
Wherever

Csendélet

2009-03-28T17:58:00.001+01:00

A sors jobbra-balra rángat
Míg süti a hold pofánkat
Kertünkben nem állít magának palotát Kubla kán
Mert mi csak zöld taknyok vagyunk
Sokasodunk, szaporodunk
S szétkenődünk tüsszenetként a busz hideg ablakán

Furor Teutonicus

2009-03-07T05:16:00.002+01:00

[Stefan der Schwabe]
All ye mighty Ladies and Lords!
Let me show my company!
Bow before my boreal hordes
You are in my custody!
I am Stefan, gentle-hearted
Leader of the Swabians
Your life will be soon departed
Your weak arms mean no defense!

[Roman Centurion]
I’m Centurion Flavius,
Servant of the Emperor!
My ancestors were patricians,
I’m a full-time conqueror!
You barbarians disgust me,
I have met your kind before!
Just an hour, and your dirty
Nordic blood covers the floor!

[Stefan der Schwabe]
What do you say, filthy Roman!
I finish you, just you wait!

[Roman Centurion]
Soon our hands will show your omen,
You will never reach the gate!

[The Visionary Chronicler]
It happens as I have forseen
On this dawn of German wrath
Human corpses cover all green
As the Romans fight to death
In a sudden, deadly moment
The Swabian stabs his sword
Through the chest of the old Roman
Before he could say a word

[Stefan der Schwabe]
As I told you, aristocrat,
Nobility’s not present
As you lay there, soon you are dead
It must be quite unpleasant
How we, the savage people
Crush the corrupt Empire
As we drown the Roman eagle
In eternal hellfire!

[Roman Centurion]
Regardless of what I say now
You will soon get through the wall
As no matter why, when or how:
Empires are born to fall
People blinded by the power
Control masses of their own
When it comes to zero hour
Someone else sits in the throne...

[The Visionary Chronicler]
It was death what their swords carried:
Soon the Empire perished
And the Germans gladly married
Local women they cherished
Some hundred years in the future
Once the rampant conqueror,
The student became the teacher,
Holy Roman Emperor...

Song to Autumn

2009-03-03T16:07:00.000+01:00

I wake up in the deepest night
Under the light of sleeping stars
I mourn the times it was all right
When I didn’t have these deep scars
I sit down next to the fire
Where dark visions start to haunt me
My soul shakes from dead desire
Because I miss what we could be

I hear nearby minstrels singing
Sounds of flutes fill my emptiness
My spirit merges with the spring
I get far away from distress
And I hear the violins cry
My tears start to flow like rivers
I feel the spirit of love die
My body gives its last shivers

Why did it have to happen this way?
Why did we have to fail?
We said we will hold on, come what may
Why didn’t love prevail?
Springtime of my being starts today,
Yet I’m so sad and pale
Because Autumn is so far away,
She won’t leave me a trail...

Crush Misery

2009-02-24T00:29:00.002+01:00

I defy you, soulmonger
I don’t care if you tread on my hand
I can’t go on much longer
But your destructive reign shall soon end
Right, I’m fallen on the ground
You feel strong cause I am defenseless
You make me a slave hands bound
But Hell, how far you are from success!

Don’t you know you help me with my isolation?
Your prison is a place of regeneration
Don’t you see my pain is just mere imitation?
You will feel the burning whips of domination!

I deny you, soulmonger
For you, it seems nothing goes as planned
You only made me stronger
I see you don’t have no friends at hand
I remove every fake wound
My ancient spirit you can’t suppress
I love hearing your last sound
As the fear in your blank eyes confess...

Trying to destroy me was a wrong war to wage
As it was worth nothing but awakened my rage
My hand on this world will bring a new Golden Age!
Your pathetic existence isn’t worth a page

...in the books of history...

Segíts

2009-02-03T00:34:00.001+01:00

Öneszményem kristályszobra repedt apró szilánkokra
Egész lényem zuhant porba s megfizettem, úgy hiszem
Vezeklést kívánt a lelkem, hiszen bűn volt, amit tettem
Mert nekem tilos szeretnem, mégis mindig megteszem...
Bennem örvénylő vértenger, szívbe maró sós könnyekkel
Nem is küzdök, úgyis elnyel, nyelvét érzem hátamon
Nem nyújtod felém kezedet, könnyeznek borostyán-szemek
Azt mondod, ha elsüllyedek, múlik majd a fájdalom
Engem a kín nem érdekel, csak ami velem süllyed el
Ha két karod ki nem emel lelkem vörös poklából
Nem zavar már a szenvedés, az sem, ha kísér megvetés
Csak a nap érjen véget és ments ki sötét fogdámból
Szorítsd kezeddel kezemet különben a vér eltemet
Széttépi gyenge testemet, s többé nem érezhetek
Pedig csak az érzés számít, ez az, mi magához csábít
Még úgy is, ha mindig ámít, ettől vagyunk emberek
Ne aggódj, nem temethet el a bánat, tudom, tűrni kell
A fény majd magasba emel még akkor is, hogyha tán
Minden, amit hátrahagyok az lesz, hogy magányos vagyok
Amikor halálra fagyok majd egy téli éjszakán.

A Short One for Her

2009-01-29T05:14:00.001+01:00

I feel that motionless thunderstorm
Deep inside your outer shell
When you, upside-down, try to conform
Yourself, it doesn’t go well
That mysterious love’s providing
You all those vital supplies
I will never know the things hiding
Behind that pair of dark eyes

Will I ever know you?

The Goddess of Contradiction

2009-01-16T13:24:00.002+01:00

How come she is so lovely
When she says she’s all alone
How can she be so lonely
With hundred friends of her own?
How can she be so caring
While she says she doesn’t care?
How can I feel her sharing
Her pain? I’m not even there
How come she is so freaky
When she’s normal all the way?
How can she understand me
While she locks herself away?
How can she have the power
Which I myself can’t define
And how is she so sour,
Happy, worldly and divine?

Pyramid of Lies

2009-01-14T14:56:00.002+01:00

Mess.
Worthless,
And useless.
I’m a liar.
I cut the wire,
Set myself on fire.
In the rain of blood and ink
The licking flames would never think
But there is an end to everything
And the walls of Jericho perished
It will not happen if you wished
Good shall not go unpunished
Fading voice of angels
Undoing dangers
Kill avengers
And the bless:
Last breath.
Death.

Sanctuary

2009-01-13T22:53:00.002+01:00

I try to survive every day
Wait for the pain to go away
I try to look like I’m okay
But the price is too much to pay

No matter how I want to hide
Hot tears are washing off my mask
No matter how hardly I tried
Frozen they accomplished their task

I try to keep myself alive
While I don’t want to join the hive
But salvation doesn’t arrive
And I feel too weak to revive

Your soul is my sanctuary
When my troubles make a twister
As it comes closer to bury;
Cheyanne is the name I whisper...

Szimfónia

2008-12-15T21:10:00.004+01:00

Életem bús ritmusára fordul át a metronóm
Odafent a zongorista játszik, ő a fényhozóm
Idelent a cigányprímás lehunyt szemmel hegedül
Én csak ülök a tűz mellett, mindörökké egyedül

Álmaim rövid vonója égi húron úgy zokog
Szenvedésem ritmusára szívem erőtlen dobog
Fájdalomnak dallamára sír a lelkem, eltaszít
Csend borul az éjszakára, sötét fátyol elvakít

Nem hagyom magam, felállok, arcom rezzenéstelen
Azt hiszitek, hogyha láttok, nincsen bennem érzelem
Mélyre ásom el a szívem, szilánkokra törötten
Nem érdekel, hogy a világ lángba borul mögöttem

Soha

2008-12-13T21:44:00.001+01:00

Élvezd az ébredő tavaszt, mézvirágok illatát
Hallgasd a tenger szelének hívogató halk szavát
Ne gondolj rám, ne nézz felém, ne tépjen a gondolat
Maradj vele, szeresd soká, felejtsd el az arcomat

Boldogan tekints az égre, érted ég a napsugár
Mosolyogva lássa arcod, legyen büszke rád a nyár
Én, a sorsnak tévedése, nem lehettem jó neked
Szemem tüzének kihunyása ne bántsa lelkedet

És ha hullnak őszi lombok, taposs rájuk gondtalan
Aranysárga, rozsdabarna, van belőlük számtalan
Szemed fényét ne karcolja a végtelen fájdalom
Nyomorúságom ne lásd, ne gyúljon benned szánalom

Ne szürkítse semmi felhő életednek kék egét
Festői harmóniád borús vihar ne tépje szét
De egy téli estén ejts értem egy árva könnycseppet
Az őrültért, ki mindvégig töretlenül hitt benned

Újra

2008-12-03T21:55:00.004+01:00

Hamuzöld puszták kiégett medrén
Kiköptem a szívem mert nem érti
Felszántott temetőnek hamvvedrén
A rózsaszál vörösen kísérti
Füleit ötven orgona bántja
Szemeit alkony bíbora tépi
Bőrét a sima szellő lehántja
Volna bár oly silány minden férfi.

Üvegember

2008-11-30T01:39:00.003+01:00

Üvegember vagyok, állok mozdulatlan
A sűrű utcákon, a nagyvilágban
Közel jönnek és keresztül néznek rajtam
És rohannak tovább az éjszakában
Valaki hozzámér - néha megtörténik
Szilánkokra törten fekszem odalent
De csak értetlen és üres szemmel nézik
Nem látják a táncoló fényt odabent.

De kitesznek újra, és újra és újra
És egy hideg napon te is arra jársz
Mindketten vágyunk már a szépre és újra
És meglátod bennem azt, amire vársz
Látsz is, nem csak nézel, látod, amit más nem
De az üveg szürke, nem érted, miért
Nem szabadulhatok, állok türelmetlen.
Mentsd hát meg az üvegember életét!

Fesd hát az arcomra (ragadj egy ecsetet)
Azt a boldogságot, amit adsz nekem
Mázolj a lelkemre gyönyörű remeket
(Mártsd be újra,) hajnalig maradj velem
Évek múltán most életre kelek talán
Igazi arcomon új mosolyt hagyok
Vigye kezed őszinte hűség, s azután
Hadd legyek végre már az, aki vagyok.

Lelkem tüze

2008-11-29T05:53:00.002+01:00

Melankolikusan, szép remények nélkül
Szívemben kétségeim hűtik a vért
Számomra egy szoba már a Mennyben épül
Mihály arkangyal már a vállamhoz ért
Halandó életem örökre feladtam
Az ég értem zokog és a csillagok
Egy színdarabot adnak elő alattam
Mert ők azt hiszik, hogy már otthon vagyok.

Még a testem itt ül, árva asztal mellett
Csak egy gyufacsonk, más semmi rajta nincs
Meg egy lila gyertya - hát csak ennyi tellett
Mely csak büszke lánggal égve volna kincs
A lelkem tükrében figyelem és nézem
De az apró lángnyelv sosem lobban fel
Mert a kék szemeim jégből vannak; érzem
Már hiába minden, sírba visznek el.

De te mellémállsz és megfogod a kezem
Látja a Halál: angyal vagy - elenged
Nem ellenkezik, tudja, érted létezem
Barna szemeid szikrája melenget
Meggyullad a kanóc, lelkem lángra lobban
Az eltűnő sötétség a fénybe hajt
Hold elől futó Nap felkel nagy titokban
És így várok veled minden új hajnalt.

Kincs

2008-11-28T05:54:00.004+01:00

A megrontott világ szürke mocsarában
Az élet és halál tiszta folyamában
Egy kincset keresek, keresem a mélyben
Egy sziklán elesek, elveszem az éjben

Nem halok meg soha, sorsom sokkal rosszabb:
Kínjaimnak sora éltemnél is hosszabb
Menekülök, érzem, megfojt ez az érzés
A szívemben vérzem, el nem áll a vérzés

A holt mélyben vagyok, a lelkem elillan
Kőszoborrá fagyok - de a mélyben csillan
Egy gyönyörű gyöngyszem! tenyerembe zárom
Mert ő az én kincsem, ő kell mindenáron

Az ő melegsége hevíti fel testem
Az ő közelsége oldozza el lelkem
És a szabad lélek oltárán vétkezem
Imádkozom, félek, meg ne csússzon kezem...

To a Friend

2008-11-18T19:08:00.003+01:00

I should stop bothering you
Crying to you lifelong
I don’t say anything new
It’s just the same old song

But I can’t keep from singing
These lyrics of my heart
They control my everything
Like an ancient star chart

And you seem the only one
Who’s willing to hear me
And you are the only one
Who is not to fear me

You saw the places I saw
You know what is inside
You know of my every flaw
You see the things I hide

I was ungrateful, I think
You had much to give me
I didn’t give you a thing
So please... forgive me.

Lone Poet

2008-11-17T23:02:00.003+01:00

My eyes are made of sapphire
But my tears are rubies
My spirit is born of fire
Fire I can’t release

My heart is a wall of stained glass
Holds the grief unspoken
If you’re unable to surpass
Easy to be broken

A crescent is my only sun
Darkness lifts me sky high
My enemies have all the fun
While I fail to pass by

Whom I made saint was a harlot
She has stolen my grace
Whom I trusted made the scarlet
Paintings onto my face

Yet I remember the old days
When I fought for the cause
But now I’m blinded by the haze
Now I fight just because

Nobody wants to sing along
No chance for a duet
Solitude is where I belong
For I’m a lone poet

I love you, idiot

2008-11-17T23:01:00.008+01:00

My soul is desolate
But you can fix it all the time
I could as well be dead
But you’re the reason I’m alive
Not that I love you so
But you carry me till the top
I’ll always let you go
I’d rather die than hold you up

You always hold me up
But it’s okay cause I’m alone
I never want to stop
Cause your voice is my lovely tone
Your knight’s not amused
I know he’d kill me cold as ice
I’ll always be with you
In the blue mirror of your eyes

Your heart is my combat zone
I wait ’til he’s overthrown
Until then, I’ll try to grone
Completely - on my own...

Misery

2008-11-17T23:01:00.007+01:00

Love’s an irredeemable deal
My heart can’t ever withdraw
Pain’s a thing unlikely to heal
Blue eyes go red of sorrow
I try to patch my lack of faith
Unhand all bitter feeling
I try to keep an even pace
But that way’s unappealing
’cause I search for you in their eyes
Doing that, I don’t forget
My soul’s dead, but love never dies
I’m Misery Incarnate...

Carnival Closed Down

2008-11-17T23:01:00.006+01:00

Dodging the inevitable
Is like trying to run bound
Like I try to escape trouble
On an old merry-go-round

A ferris-wheel showed me the top
Cruelly gave me what I wanted
But it’s not the right place to stop
Now I stand there brokenhearted

I could cry a river up there
Up or down, it looks all the same
Why must I be lone everywhere?
Truly I’m the only to blame?

Or are they the illusionists
My shadows in every dark place?
Fallen angels, managed to kiss
Malformed smiles on my ugly face?

Now I get the point of the game
I’m fresh out of golden coins
Fake magicians lost all the fame
Their wands burn in rusty ruins

In that act, I lost my patience
I’m ready, let’s have the action!
Sweetly smiling Satans agents:
Here I demand satisfaction!

Fallen

2008-11-17T23:00:00.008+01:00

When I know she won’t come tonight
But I stand till dawn awake
When I know she’s not worth the fight
But I don’t care what’s at stake
When I see her icy blue eyes
And blood’s burning in my heart
I try to throw off my disguise
But my hands are trembling hard
When I wait that magic moment
Which I’m waiting forever
Which could end my tragic torment
Giving myself up to her
When I feel a strong desire
Thirsty for her lovely voice
Feels like flaming in the fire
Of moments at I rejoice
When I close my aching eyelids
I see nothing but her smile
But a frantic feeling forbids
My soul to be versatile
It’s the feeling for I hunger
The grasp of that lovely girl
When I can’t bare any longer
’cause my thoughts are in a whirl
When her lips are gleaming brightly
They lure me like a blackhole
Every time she’s walking near me
Almost kills my self-control
When I think I needed all this
Pushing myself down to Hell
When I believe after that kiss
She was mad of me as well
When I’m frightened because I feel
I’ll never see her again
And I – unable to conceal –
Cry unworthy of a man
I fight myself by my own hand
As I don’t know common-sense
I’m ready to serve her will, and
Kill myself in self-defense
When I clearly know it’s all wrong
But I feel it’s good for me
I lay down and sing this sad song
And sink in love hopelessly...

Triangle

2008-11-17T23:00:00.007+01:00

I can see you love him
Wanting you is my sin
You know I was dreaming
You know what’s the meaning
I know I was careless
And you couldn’t care less
I can love an angel
You can’t love a stranger

Why can’t we just you and me?
I would fight for you knightly
You’re like this and I’m like that
I’m better than him, I bet

To you, I’m a stranger
For me, you’re an angel
In heaven and careless
But I couldn’t care less
Love is all the meaning
I can see the gleaming
For you, I shed my skin
I’m sorry you love him

Rhetorical Questions

2008-11-17T23:00:00.006+01:00

High on feelings, no concealings,
Who decides I’m upside down?
Acting gentle, going mental,
Who can tell if I look frown?
I’m so tender, pain’s my shelter,
A crown of torns is my crown.
So they shell me, oh, God, tell me,
What good is a crying clown?

Always haunted, stand dumbfounded,
Where did my way go astray?
When their word calls, I take their falls.
Why is my heart your ashtray?
I can’t hand it, I must stand it,
Why does red and blue go gray?
World is tainted, how you paint it,
Why can’t I just have my day?

Thirst for blood

2008-11-17T22:55:00.005+01:00

World does have fiendish seasons
Men just always have the reasons
Someone calls it self-defense
Sometimes it just makes no sense
My bloodlust never ends...

Oh, that spring was kind of creepy
I sank in love with you deeply
Your red lips were fairly mild
I wanted you squarely, wild
One hellish, bloody ride...

Summer came for one day only
Charged me up and let me lonely
Closed my heart and threw the key
Left me tortured horribly
And made me bloodthirsty...

Autumn was just kindly painful
God loved me and made me grateful
Tried to help me let you go
But I still saw your shadow
A red, metallic glow...

Winter's dark eyes look so charming
Now I want to kill you, darling
All your lies will end today
Blood's a price I'll gladly pay
That's a deadly day...

I'm the new king
Your reign's over
Bow before my
Godly power
Knife is striking,
reddish shower,
Blood is sparkling,
my hallower...

I can see the dawn is coming
I can hear its deadly humming
Or maybe a bomb's ticking in my head,
Then I guess soon I'll be dead
Or maybe I've gone mad.
That's the best nightmare I had.

Every day, with every treason,
I had every reason.

Sorry, girl. You hurt me, and you keep hurting me.
But I never could hurt you.
Really.

Temptation

2008-11-17T22:55:00.003+01:00

My wrecked soul is full of intruders
They just come and want me to get out
Every day, it’s only getting worse
I still don’t know what is this all about

Why do you want me to leave my own head?
Why can’t I just sleep in my bed?
Why do you want me to kindly die?
Why, why, why, why, why, why, why?

Fighting with this endless incursion
It’s so hopeless, and there’s nowhere to run
When I’m fresh out of ammunition
It seems there is always another one

Why do you want me to meet my own end?
Why can’t I just hold her sweet hand?
Why do you want me to burn the sky?
Why, why, why, why, why, why, why?

Living a life of benefaction
Even my demons think I’m psychotic
I will never join any faction
All my sins are making me chaotic

Why do you want me to lose my own faith?
Why can’t you just show your true face?
Why do you want me to close my eye?
Why, why, why, why, why, oh, why?

Going around

2008-11-17T22:54:00.005+01:00

There’s a soft melody in my head:
Singing about my curse.
That feeling has me driven mad,
And it’s just getting worse.
I can’t stand it for too long
When I am unbound:
At the tower of love I go
Just around and around...

Before me lights are going on,
Behind me they are going out.
Between them fading pictures of
Whom I can’t live without
The image of her gleaming eyes,
Company of my bouncing lies.
My face just grins, but my heart cries,
For I’m a man of short goodbyes...

There’s a disturbing noise in my brain,
It’s saying I’m a fool,
’cause only suffering and pain
Are fueling my soul.
I have been deceived by a lie:
That love is meant to fail.
So I am just the poor fall guy
Of a creepy evening tale.

Before me lights are turning on,
And I feel I became crazy.
My life is a holy icon,
With my face where the Lord should be.
Oh, I have been nailed on your heart:
You are my cross, my beloved,
This Passion of me is so hard,
I want to ascend up the light..

I hate you, my beloved

2008-11-17T22:54:00.004+01:00

I love you like you’re a kind of muse.
But I see you’re not really amused.
Why didn’t you ask, it’s all your fault...

I hate you for making me feel blue.
I hate you for making me love you.
It is like a sexual assault...

For love, pain is the prize I must pay,
No painkiller can take it away,
And it starts to make me feel insane...

Starts to feel like I will die this day,
But I want to live, to go my way.
Why don’t you just let me go away?

Sitting next to you, it just gets worse,
And we’re drawing surreal flowers,
Wonder if you even know my name...

I just waste my love and sanity,
Looking at your eyes, I go crazy
And because of you,
I can’t love who
Would deserve it: that is why I hate...

I ought to say hello

2008-11-17T15:27:00.002+01:00

Hello.