Soha

Sohasem tudtalak elfelejteni
Reméltem, hogy az idő majd elfedi
Kívántam, hogy ne maradjon semmi más
Csak egy ködös, álomszerű látomás

Azt hittem, eltűnik majd a szerelem
Nem keres akkor, ha én sem keresem
Gondoltam talán elbújok, elfutok
Ellened, ellene tenni nem tudok

Boldogságom tengerében fuldoklom
Nem tudom, jól vagyok-e, vagy haldoklom
Nem vagyok már szent és nem vagyok tanár
Nem kéne többet rád gondolnom ma már

Nem felejtem illatod, ajkad, szemed
Nálad szebbet teremteni nem lehet
Mindegy, kit szeretek, s engem ki szeret
Senkivel nem lesz olyan jó, mint veled

Mindenütt és mindenhez hűtlen vagyok
Szívemből egy részt mindig nálad hagyok
Maradok végül egyedül, s üresen
Elfelejteni nem tudlak sohasem

Rain of flames

When you came close to me
My heart used to beat a tune
Now it's empty as silence
When you called out my name
I was crazed, shocked and drawn
Now it's madness and darkness

When your fire-maelstrom claims me
My damned soul just melts away
And I fall under your sway
When your thunder-vortex takes me
I must give up on the fray
As your lips make me your prey

Now I don't feel a thing
Like I'm not even breathing
My sparkling eyes betray me
Islands sink, mountains fall
Maybe I should end it all
But I don't quit so easy

When your fantasy ignites me
It's a fragile feel of warm
But it leaves me on my own
When your bleeding beauty burns me
It's like standing in the storm
But I'm standing here alone

Writer's block again

Just too many things going on and I cannot sort them out in my head anymore... BSOD.

Drebbles 4: Accident

Huge raindrops splashing on the windshield. Why did I take this route? I can’t see a thing. The steering wheel starts shaking. My life flashes by in front of me... I retake full control, completely vigil, safely crashing into the roadside mud, seeing my front left tire fly across the horizon.

You told me life is so short, too short to miss our opportunities, to make the wrong decision. For a moment, I was on the verge of death. You were the first thing I thought about, and you would have been the last.

I made up my damn mind.

Drebbles 3: Scarf

It was that night. Walking the streets with a friend, with you, looking at the Christmas lights with awe.

You give me your glasses, we laugh; everything becomes so distorted and shaky. You put your scarf around my neck, binding me, as much as your scent I’m inhaling does. White, so soft, so close to me. I’m feeling its warmth, and now the warmth of your hands. We are so dangerously close.

My heart told me that a bitter ending was to bring a new beginning, that there is an option, a choice resulting in a happy end.

It lied.

Drebbles 2: Freefall

It was a nice February day, with bonfires, smoke and fun in the air. It could have easily been one of the best days of my life, but all my negative strings were still in the depths of my brain, stretched to their limits.

Then I saw you for the first time ever. Looking at you was seeing my own soul in a mirror, burning like lava, setting my insides on fire in a wonderful pain. I was drawn to you by supernatural powers. My strings were melting on me, my heart filled with acidic, venomous yearning, flooding my veins.

Drebbles 1: Sleep

Not a single day has passed without thinking about that perfect moment.

Dizziness as the hot air made by the radiators hits me is stripped away by the freezing December cold secretly making its way in through the window gaps.

The exhausted, painful hammering in my head goes to a full stop as you finally leave me be, the fragrance of yesterday night’s perfume on your shoulders spilling into my head as you are sleeping in the sweetest way I have ever seen anyone sleep in my life.

Astonishing – to see your restless soul at such perfect peace and harmony.

Artificial resuscitation

As I cannot cope with the hidden feelings I am harboring day by day, I must put Buried Alive on the operating table, open its chest with a rusty old knife, rip its heart out, beat it with an oversized sledgehammer until the damned thing beats again, then carefully re-wire everything and elaborately close the wound with duct tape.

As horroristic as it might be, it is necessary. I have again come to a point when my soul is massively overflowed with emotions hidden and forbidden, ripping my heavy head apart if I don't let it leak out somewhere. I cannot let it leak out to anyone, so I will do regular memory dumps in the form of a drabble series, titled "Drebbles", the spelling intentional - I won't tell what the intention is though.

If you like to read the miserable byproduct of an otherwise perfectly happy and intact soul, you are welcome to be my reader. If nobody ever reads it though... even if there was a magical way to make me care less, I couldn't.

Have fun!

Welcome to the next level.

Dear everyone!

I don't really know what to say. I have to thank you, my readers, all of you, for taking a look at my sad poems every now and then. I don't say you kept this blog alive - I did. :P But still, you were a great contribution and inspiration to me, and I won't forget that. Especially not the help of my dear friend Alev, and my brother Amin - the two of you gave me the most when it came to my poetry.

Why do I close this stuff? Because that's what I do, I close the site for good. This site. Maybe another one will open soon. Maybe never again. Who knows? I'm closing it because it belongs to Level 1, my other life, the life I lived before the one I'm living now. I was a lone poet, misery incarnate, who tried to break out from the shell. I was buried alive, I wanted to be loved... but I thought it's not what's meant for me.

Things changed. I have changed. For the better. Some people didn't think it's possible. I shoveled some in their face, yup. =) I'm stronger than I was before my depression, because now, I have overcome it, and I know how to overcome it. It didn't kill me - it made me stronger. I'm not lonely anymore. I have found my true love who is mine forever, and whom I give myself for all eternity. I have found faith, which is strong and eternal. I have found happiness, I have the perfect moments all the time. I have the time of my life. I stepped forward. Thanks to everyone who helped me on the way, and thanks to everyone who inspired me. I won't ever forget them! :)

Peace out, homies!

Lone Poet out.

Quick Answer III

It is just so you
To close the door when everything's on fire
And I know it's true
Now you feel you have nothing to inspire

I understand your heart's a thing
You don't want to share
But simply you just can't make me not care

Of course you can stop writing
You can cut the stream
But I won't keep my ears stopped
Not to hear a scream

Whatever...

Just don't worry
In the deepest dawn
The sun will hurry
Your happiness to spawn

Quick Answer II

I know it's burning
I know it aches
Yet you don't replace your real words with fakes
Right now it's open
Accidentally
Right now it just allows me to see

Pain is a mirror to look into
It's just more fun
Than the television of the world
It's just to make us feel the things we've never heard

Maybe inspiration is a free bird flown away
But you'll see it again on a rainy day

Quick Answer

Now the world for you is so flat
Nothing fills up emptiness that
Comes again and gets inside you
Makes to think of words so hard

Between darkness and elation
Therein lies the inspiration
Don't try to find it in the blue
Look for it within your heart

Sweet

From the broken horizon breaks out the crooked sunshine
I think it’s 5 am and you’re listening to my whine
I don’t cross the bridges
You don’t take the skylines
But deep inside I wish
Just we could have our times

Visit me in my dreams
Share me your desires
Be my remedy for eight hours, light up the fires

Come and give me aching
Sweet strawberry kisses
Tell me we’re making up for all the time my life misses

Yearning is a disease
And you infected me
I wish it’s going to end soon, I hope it is deadly

Go and give me calming
Mild apricot kisses
Look deep in my weary eyes and make me feel I exist

From behind the dark clouds slowly ignites the moonbeam
Wait again for the twilight that makes my soul swim upstream
Obvious, I know it
But I keep the silence
Just because I admit
All the dreams have no chance

Losing You Forever

Staring at the setting sun
Seems this day is getting done
Looks like I'm out of the maze
Got rid of this purple haze
I just can't keep my eyes on
This flaming red horizon
Not letting us together
So I lose you forever

From the splinters of my heart
I just throw away the part
Not allowed to keep inside
Have to extinguish my light
All the darkness in my soul
Burns like a chunk of charcoal
Tried to put it out with tears
It set afire my fears

Without hope, I feel lost
My faith in you helped me most
All is over, all is down
This feeling will make me drown
My emotions slowly whirled
Deep inside our astral world
May my spirit seek it through
Won't ever find one like you.

Cry of the Fool

Just wish I could tell you
Just wish I could tell who
But you wouldn't understand
So I cry and let your hand

I wish I could show it now
I only wish I knew how
But you wouldn't hear my word
Flustered heartbeats, never heard

You sure know I need you
You were keeping me alive
Always
I can't help I love you
I need you to help survive
All days

I wish I could tell you why
Wish I wouldn't have to lie
But not a word you'd believe
These bounds I can't relieve

I wish I could find a way
To let you know, make you say
Wish you could just make me see
Love is such a vanity